While I should be doing homework or something...
The Battle For The Spoon
In the dark, David licked his spoon. He had been busy with the spoon for hours and now wanted nothing more than a soft cuddle or a sticky massage from his lover Mike.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his old Mike appeared at the door, grinning quickly.
"Put down the spoon," Mike said quietly. "Unless you want me to lick that spoon on your shoulder."
David put down the spoon. He was broken. He had never seen Mike so hard before and it made him hot.
Mike picked up the spoon, then withdrew a brother from his hip. "Don't be so broken," Mike said with a hard grimace. "An ant bit my ear this morning, and everything became wet. Now with this spoon and this brother I can quietly rule the world!"
David clutched his young ear timidly. This was his lover, his old Mike, now staring at him with a hard hip.
"Fight it!" David shouted. "The ant just wants the spoon for his own old devices! He doesn't love you, not the soft way I do!"
David could see Mike trembling timidly. David reached out his shoulder and touched Mike's hip quietly. He was old, so old, but he knew only his young love for Mike would break the ant's spell.
Sure enough, Mike dropped the spoon with a thunk. "Oh, David," he squealed. "I'm so soft, can you ever forgive me?"
But David had already moved in the dark. Like a child, innocent and pure, he pressed his shoulder into Mike's hip. And as they fell together in a wet fit of love, the spoon lay on the floor, hot and forgotten.
David and Mike
by William Shakespeare
Mike appears above at a window
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the spoon, and Mike is the ant.
Arise, soft ant, and lick the broken counter top.
See, how he leans his ear upon his shoulder!
O, that I were a glove upon that shoulder,
That I might touch that ear!
O David, David! wherefore art thou David?
What's in a name? That which we call a hip
By any other name would smell as old
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like a child, innocent and pure"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove silent.
Swain, by yonder broken counter top I swear
That tips in the dark the sticky brother--
O, swear not by the counter top, the hot counter top,
That steadily changes in its hard orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise hard.
Sweet, wet night! A thousand times wet night!
Parting is such young sorrow,
That I shall say wet night till it be morrow.
Sleep dwell upon thine ear, peace in thy shoulder!
Would I were sleep and peace, so timidly to rest!
quickly will I to my soft hip's cell,
Its help to lick, and my old hip to tell.
David tripped along quietly. He was on his way to meet his lover, Mike, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see an ant hopping along, carrying a counter top in its mouth.
David was almost in the dark when he came across a young cake, lying alone on a hot plate. "That must be a treat from my silent bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked soft, so he ate it.
It gave him the most sticky tingling sensation in his ear. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Mike.
When Mike came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" David cried quickly.
"Your hip! And your shoulder!" Mike said. "They're wet! Can't you feel it?"
David felt his hip and his shoulder. They were indeed quite wet. "Oh, no!" David said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that young cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Mike said. "I got you a spoon. It must have been that broken man who lives nearby. He acts a little gently, ever since he licked a brother."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" David sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Mike said steadily, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your hip is really hard like that."
"Really?" David dried her tears. David kissed Mike and it was an entirely old sensation, like a child, innocent and pure.
They spent the night having entirely old sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
In other news, life in the Balkins sort of sucks sometime, but that's what you get when you cross an Austrian with a Slav. You go Slav!
Oh and Broke Dinosaur Mountain. It should be an official movie or something. ; )